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If I read one more post about "what submission really is" from a 24/7 service slave, I'm going to walk into the woods and never come out.
No offense meant to any particular submissive who finds that dynamic ideal, appealing, or even possible, but submission is not a race towards a Good And Virtuous End where everyone who stops before that point falls short. And, while the writing I've seen on this subject is self-directed and genuinely not meant to reflect on anyone else's dynamic, I have simply seen too much from 24/7 perspectives and not enough from anyone else and so now I have worms in my brain.
The thesis I've seen runs along the lines of "I consider doing [action that I hate] more submissive than [action that I love]." Simple, straightforward, to the point. I have two main problems with this:
1) Due to cultural associations, I can't avoid reading "more submissive" as "better submission."
2) I can't avoid reading "what submission really is" as "what real submission is."
That second one is a personal issue, but if I wasn't inclined towards writing about personal issues none of these words would be here in the first place.
I am a switch. My submission is real and it is good enough. It is real when I thank my Dom for the privilege of allowing me to degrade myself for their enjoyment. It is good enough when I directly ask them for orders, when they consent to dominate me at my request rather than at their own whims. My submission is real when I fold it up and put it away for later because I need to be in a different state of mind, or because I want to yank someone around.
And it is still real, and good enough, when I say no. When I want things to stop.
Quite some time ago, I was doing a scene with one of my partners. They had just finished spanking me quite vigorously and then walked away, ordering me to kneel with my hands behind my neck. The light in the room was very bright, too bright even with my eyes closed, and so I placed my hands over my face instead. When they returned from what they were doing, they were irritated and started to treat me as though I was bratting.
This could have gone very badly. I was nonverbal from sub drop and panicked at their anger, and I was not in a state to unambiguously safeword. Because they knew me, and could read my body language, they stopped, allowed me to collect myself, and, when I was in a state to explain, listened to me. It scared the hell out of me at the time, so I remember it vividly, but we were able to work it out constructively between us.
If they'd had the option to keep going, I'm not sure they wouldn't have. I don't blame them for this, I don't hold it against them, but be that as it may it would have affected me very badly in a manner that would have been difficult for our relationship to recover from.
They didn't keep going, though.
Submission is a gift, a safe harbor. Submission is not a place where I do things I hate. If I hate something as I am doing it—if I wash the dishes and count the seconds until I can do anything else—I am not acting out of submission, I am acting out of obligation, a state of being I am excruciatingly familiar with from every other corner of my life.
There are plenty of reasons a one-way 24/7 dynamic isn't for us. There's not a day that goes by that we aren't kinky to some degree—my collar is around their neck, their cuff is around my wrist, and neither of them come off—but my submission, specifically, depends on my ability to refuse things. Because I can say no, I can say yes. Yes, Sir, yes, Mistress, yes, my loves, I am offering myself to you.
There's nothing fake, or inferior, about that.
No offense meant to any particular submissive who finds that dynamic ideal, appealing, or even possible, but submission is not a race towards a Good And Virtuous End where everyone who stops before that point falls short. And, while the writing I've seen on this subject is self-directed and genuinely not meant to reflect on anyone else's dynamic, I have simply seen too much from 24/7 perspectives and not enough from anyone else and so now I have worms in my brain.
The thesis I've seen runs along the lines of "I consider doing [action that I hate] more submissive than [action that I love]." Simple, straightforward, to the point. I have two main problems with this:
1) Due to cultural associations, I can't avoid reading "more submissive" as "better submission."
2) I can't avoid reading "what submission really is" as "what real submission is."
That second one is a personal issue, but if I wasn't inclined towards writing about personal issues none of these words would be here in the first place.
I am a switch. My submission is real and it is good enough. It is real when I thank my Dom for the privilege of allowing me to degrade myself for their enjoyment. It is good enough when I directly ask them for orders, when they consent to dominate me at my request rather than at their own whims. My submission is real when I fold it up and put it away for later because I need to be in a different state of mind, or because I want to yank someone around.
And it is still real, and good enough, when I say no. When I want things to stop.
Quite some time ago, I was doing a scene with one of my partners. They had just finished spanking me quite vigorously and then walked away, ordering me to kneel with my hands behind my neck. The light in the room was very bright, too bright even with my eyes closed, and so I placed my hands over my face instead. When they returned from what they were doing, they were irritated and started to treat me as though I was bratting.
This could have gone very badly. I was nonverbal from sub drop and panicked at their anger, and I was not in a state to unambiguously safeword. Because they knew me, and could read my body language, they stopped, allowed me to collect myself, and, when I was in a state to explain, listened to me. It scared the hell out of me at the time, so I remember it vividly, but we were able to work it out constructively between us.
If they'd had the option to keep going, I'm not sure they wouldn't have. I don't blame them for this, I don't hold it against them, but be that as it may it would have affected me very badly in a manner that would have been difficult for our relationship to recover from.
They didn't keep going, though.
Submission is a gift, a safe harbor. Submission is not a place where I do things I hate. If I hate something as I am doing it—if I wash the dishes and count the seconds until I can do anything else—I am not acting out of submission, I am acting out of obligation, a state of being I am excruciatingly familiar with from every other corner of my life.
There are plenty of reasons a one-way 24/7 dynamic isn't for us. There's not a day that goes by that we aren't kinky to some degree—my collar is around their neck, their cuff is around my wrist, and neither of them come off—but my submission, specifically, depends on my ability to refuse things. Because I can say no, I can say yes. Yes, Sir, yes, Mistress, yes, my loves, I am offering myself to you.
There's nothing fake, or inferior, about that.
